Flash Fiction — Her (part one)

(image via pinterest. words my own.)

There is this chap around the Twitter writing community that I collided with a few months ago. His name is Brett, and one day on a whim I trotted over to his website to read an article about Heroines that some of my friends had mentioned. Whilst I was there I read a flash fiction he wrote in the beginning of August entitled simply, Ashton. It was vivid, poignant, and captured my attention so completely I didn’t even notice the specific style he wrote it in until I reached the end. Over the next few weeks while I went on holiday and visited tiny, gloriously overflowing bookstores, and swam at night in glimmering pools, and rode ski lifts and ate ice-cream, I kept on thinking about Ashton in the back of my mind. A thought started to percolate as thoughts do.

And so I finally wrote a flash fic of my own told in the same style Brett used. Enjoy! I’m hoping to post Part Two next Friday. (part two can now be found here.)

Her [part one]


Shadows stretch like fingers along the passage walls. Grey blends with black, shattered only by the intrusion of red where each guard stands.

Light is cold, blue, and faint here. Sound is swallowed up before it begins. Time exists only by the change of red to fresh red.

From your place in the deepest corner without light you watch the crimson-clad soldiers march by.

Red like blood. 

Their footsteps echo into silence and the Men in Red stand still once more.

Statues waiting to be broken.

Your fingers flex of their own accord, and you smile in the dark.

And move.

Shadow on shadow, black against black. A rapid, complicated dance you’ve done a thousand times.

The guards fall one by one, their uniforms crumpled blotches against the floor.

Red like blood.

You leave them where they are — stumbling blocks to make time when the alarm sounds.

The laser grids and razor wire are next.

Most men could never do what you do; could never turn their too-wide bodies at the precise angle and speed to flip and twist through a maze, through a tangled web of red death.

You have always been small. Small, slight, and agile.

But, as usual, your body whizzes by the last laser a fraction too close.

A high-pitched shriek like a demon let loose fills the air. Most people would hit the floor, and curl up, hands over ears.

You are not like most people. 

Past history as a Man in Red makes sure of that.

Adrenaline shoots through your veins, and you hit the floor and roll to your feet in one fluid motion.

Darting over to the nearest cell, you burn a hole through the steel with a slap of your gloved hand and toss an activated teleport cube inside.

You move from cell to cell in a matter of seconds, teleporting the prisoners off without even bothering to glance inside.

Last cell.

You burn a hole, fling a cube in…. and someone grabs your arm.

No time to think. No plan.

Just gut reaction.

You twist your hand. And snap the unseen wrist.

A split second too late your mind catches up.

Heart surging, you stagger back a step. Then raise both gloved hands and burn through the cell door.

Inside a woman crouches at your feet, breathing in painful gasps. One wrist dangles at a freakish angle and she clutches it against her chest.

Seeing her feels like being kicked in the gut.

With a flick of your hand, you de-activate the teleport cube. The woman doesn’t move as you crouch in front of her, and you realize why. You also realize why breaking her wrist felt like snapping a twig.

She is skin and bones, dressed up in rags.

Bile rises in your throat, and you spread your hands, careful to angle the palms away from her.

She lifts her eyes. Blue eyes burning with fear and rage and despair.

You hear yourself stammering out words in a voice that threatens to splinter and shatter, but you know it can’t make a difference.

Words are empty.

Know that any number of apologies can’t atone for the pain you’ve just needlessly inflicted on her.

For the pain you have inflicted on others.

“I’m sorry,” you say anyway. “I am so sorry, ma’am.”

Holding your voice together by a thread. It still cracks.

Holding your soul together with twine. When will it break regardless?

The look in her eyes changes, and she mouths suddenly, “Take care of her.”

The woman’s gaze flicks to the left, and you follow it with your own.

A child sits in the corner.

A baby, to be exact.

It’s so tightly bundled up you doubt if the alarm even bothers it. You think it’s asleep.

You glance back at the stick woman with the blazing sky-eyes.

“Take care of her,” she repeats.

Your eyes widen, and you forget to breathe.

The woman holds your gaze with a fierce grip, and you can feel your soul stripped bare before her.

“If you’re sorry,” she says, “take care of her.

Four words.

Four words she grits out between, chipped, stained teeth.

Four words that hang suspended in the air.

Four words that make your heart tremble.

How long has it been since you felt raw fear? 

You open your mouth.



No. I can’t.

“I will,” you say.

36 thoughts on “Flash Fiction — Her (part one)

  1. OOH, looks like I’m not the only one who wrote an Ashton-inspired fic. I love the sentence where all the words are run on to each other (I have no clue how to express this), and it does remind me of the promise-me-Ned tidbit in A Song of Ice and Fire. (have to admit, though, I thought it was a girl assassin for the first couple paragraphs XD)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. WUT? I must go and track down your flash fic! O.O

      Thank you, Alyssa! 🙂 I’ve never read A Song of Ice and Fire. Hopefully, my scene wasn’t too similar? O.o
      (Oh, I know. XD I was trying to think of a way to let people know earlier in the fic that this is a guy, but for the life of me I couldn’t come up with anything!)


  2. Hi Annie! I am terribly sorry – I can’t believe I didn’t see this on my Twitter feed, only saw via my WordPress links. First of all, thank you so much for the gorgeous introduction and shoutout to me, I’m speechless that my little fanfic got you thinking and planning to write something – to be honest, it’s what *every* writer wants to here, so I’m really quite moved.

    And your flash fiction! WOW. You’ve really nailed the second-person POV in a fluid, action-filled scene that manages to perfectly merge an implied backstory with high-octane futuristic combat, coupled with supernatural/psychokinetic superpowers. Amazing job!

    Once again, thank you so much, and I can’t wait for part two!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh, goodness, Brett, that’s all right! I was just delighted to see your comment. 😀 (speaking of which, I haven’t actually commented on ASHTON yet, have I? *hides face in shame*)

      Ackpeth, you are more than welcome! It’s the least I could do in return for you creating something that captured my thoughts so strongly. ^_^

      Okay, so now I’m speechless. O.O *gathers up all the nice things you said and holds them close* Thank you, Brett. THANK YOU. That means a lot. 🙂

      (Also, delighted you picked up on the psychokinesis! I was wondering who would. 🙂 Oh! And Part Two is up if you want to know what happens next. It’s more introspective than action this time, and I love it with all the love. ^_^)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Well I’m still far more speechless than you, but I am so very glad that you decided to write this piece – thanks for replying, and I’ll read Part 2 very soon!


  3. O.o.O.o. OH MY GOODNESS! This. This is powerful writing, Annie, dear! And you are rocking the 2nd person POV. Oh my! I can’t wait to read more. The story has already gathered up all my emotions and holds them captive. Excellent job!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. O.O

      You are the sweetest. THANK YOU. The 2nd person POV was incredible to write with, and I’m thrilled you like it!


      (part two is up if you want to see what happens next. 😉 )


  4. Oh my goodness, I am speechless – what an absolutely gorgeous writing style, and an absolutely gorgeous piece. (The last line gave me legitimate chills.) I can’t wait to read the next part of it – you are an incredible writer. xx

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I know I already said this, but your comments are the most wonderful. *hugs you* (The fact that I gave you chills gives ME chills. Talk about writer goals accomplished. O.O)

      Thank you, Topaz, for your sweet, encouraging words about HER. It means a lot to me! xox


  5. Wow, this is really great. I can’t wait to read the rest. You’ve definitely nailed the second person POV, and you’ve also set up a very interesting main character. I’m curious about the setting and the world building, and I’m curious to know more. Great job!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your encouraging comment, Liz! 🙂 I’m so happy with how the fic flowed and how fluidly writing in 2nd person was — frankly, I was unsure if I could even do it. O.o

      Delighted I piqued your interest! 😀 Part Two is up now if you want to take a look at it. *nods*


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s